Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
As I have said before, I often remind myself of healthy practices as I write. Today is no different, as I embark on a journey to remember and practice what I already know. Yes, I am guilty of not always practicing what I preach, but I am progressing and that is the important part.
It is true that my grammar did not improve until I became a sixth grade English teacher. It appears that teaching others can sometimes be the best form of education. Together we can learn.
“Children will remember the simplest of things; things that you and I will forget.”
9 Ways to Tell Your Children That You Love Them
- Be present: When you are spending time with your children put your cell phone down, close your book (unless you are reading to them), turn off the T.V. (unless you are watching a movie together), and turn off the computer. Don’t fool yourself, your child knows when you are truly present with them or mentally engaged elsewhere. Balance your time. When you have set aside time to be with your children, really be with them.
- Tell them that you love them: You may think that your children automatically know this, but they still need to hear it.
- Allow them to express their feelings in appropriate ways: Children need to be validated. Let them know that it is okay to be angry with you, but it is not okay to be disrespectful to you or others. In other words, the emotion is okay, the reaction may need to be adjusted.
- Praise them: When children are praised for doing the right thing, they are more likely to repeat it. Praise is a form of positive reinforcement and builds self-esteem.
- Play with them: Your children may never remember how much housework you did in one day, but they will always remember when you put down whatever it was that you were doing to play with them.
- Provide structure: This makes children feel safe. They know what to expect.
- Set consistent limits: No one wants to be around an unruly child. This is not fair to the child, if the child has never been taught how to behave.
- Give them age appropriate responsibility: This not only increases self-esteem, but it prepares them for adulthood.
- Appreciate their individuality: One of the best ways to tell children that you love them is to appreciate them for who they are; different from yourself.
How do you tell your children that you love them?
I love this post, thanks for sharing!
Thank you! Glad you liked it. Your blog always inspires me.
It’s true, becoming a teacher enables one to learn more deeply. In martial arts we are taught that to attain Black Belt status is to begin learning – properly. When we teach another we have to do so through understanding what it is we are teaching on a profound level. Lovely post.
Stuart,
I agree with you. Thank you for reading and for all of your insightful comments.
Important post Kristin. And #1 is appropriately first…
Thank you, David. I agree.
I LOVE this post! I think all of us can benefit from remembering and practicing these ideas! Thank you. I especially like the “be present” one. I know I’m guilty of that!
Thank you, Melanie. I am sometimes guilty too. If we are aware, we can work on it.
This should be mandatory reading for every parent. Such good, sensible, advice.
Thank you, Anneli.
Nice post! Even better because of the eye candy…
Thank you, Todd. Images do add appeal. Thank you for reblogging.
My pleasure!!!
Reblogged this on Todd's Perspective and commented:
Do go to Kristin’s blog and read the rest of her post…
This is great, but how do you talk to and validate a child who is 21 and wants to live his life his way, but still wants his parents to pay his bills, and take care of him when times are bad?
A lot of parents struggle with grown kids in there 20s. “Support me financially, be there for me, but now I am an adult, you can’t tell me what to do.” Very difficult. Love them, validate their feelings by saying, “I know you are upset”. “I understand that you don’t agree with me and that is alright.” Then state what you are willing to do and what you are not. Example: “You can live here, but you need to go to school and/or find a job. You can live here, but as long as you are in my house, your girlfriend will not sleep over. When you have a place of your own and stay out all night, I won’t know, so I won’t worry. In my house, I worry, so you need to call.” You can validate someone without agreeing with them. Hope this helps. Thanks for commenting.
Thanks Kristin! This is so important for every parent… and child.
Thanks, Vince.
Love it!
Nice list! Thank you.
Another one I would add is to listen. ‘I love you’ can also mean remaining silent and hearing what a child is saying, not saying, and really saying.
Eric
I agree. Silence and really hearing is so important! Thank you for your comments.
So happy to have found your blog, I talk a lot about the importance of what people say and do, and parenting, in my work. Good post! I’m a new follower.
Thank you. I look forward to reading more of yours. I know you post very important stuff.
Housework will always be there, chilidren grow up. Spending time with the children is far more important than wasking floors.
Thank you for referring to my post. I look forward to reading Therapy Stew.
Thank you for sharing my post with your readers.