Memorial Day (Photo credit: Celine Aussourd)
Honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you.
Great Expectations Within the Marriage
May 28, 2012 By 16 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Several years ago, I attended a marriage workshop along with my husband. This was not the first one that I had ever attended, nor will it be the last. These workshops not only provide me information and tools that help me better my own marriage, but they also benefit those who come to me for counseling. [Read more...]
14 Fair Fighting Rules
May 25, 2012 By 21 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Counseling couples, I am often amazed at the horrible way many partners speak to one another. They say things to each other that they would not dream of saying to an enemy, let alone the person that they claim to love. Many people come to view their partner as an extension of themself; saying whatever it is that comes to mind with little concern or awareness of how it actually affects the other person. Over time, these harmful interactions build, and contempt enters the relationship. Once contempt is present, there is no place left for love to dwell.
Emotional Regulation: Getting Your Emotions Out of the Driver’s Seat
May 20, 2012 By 44 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
How do you handle distress? Do you remain in control, or do you react in destructive ways? Your emotions are valid; but you, and only you, are responsible for your reactions. No one made you do it.
When you become angry, lonely, frustrated, impatient, or hurt, do you have a pattern of acting out in a way that usually results in regret? [Read more...]
Everybody is a genius, but...
May 16, 2012 By 21 Comments
Support your children and help them find their strengths; they may be very different from yours.
The Difference Between School and Life
May 14, 2012 By 20 Comments
Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches a lesson.” Tom Bodett
Expect to be tested. Will you pass the test? If not, will you learn from your mistakes, or will you continue to do the same thing over and over again?
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.
Let Life In
This, Too, Shall Pass
May 10, 2012 By 29 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Riding the Wave of Emotion
Who said that we are to be happy all the time? We all have rough days. Days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Days when we would rather not get out of bed. Days when one thing after another seems to go wrong.
Then there are days when we are really hurting, and our emotional pain seems just too overwhelming; so overwhelming that we feel like we need to stop it immediately.
We feel like we would do just about anything to make the pain subside. We want it to just go away! Yes, we often want a quick fix. However, that quick fix is sometimes destructive, and what we really need is courage, patience, and time.
A quick fix? A drink, a pill, four pieces of chocolate cake, internet porn, sex, an excessive shopping spree, suicidal thoughts, self-harming behaviors….
Yes, many people get desperate for a quick fix in times of pain.
But if we can just stop for a moment, identify the emotions that we are experiencing, accept that they are there without judging them, and remind ourselves that they will pass, we may find the courage to endure them for a little while.
Learning to ride the wave of emotion is a skill that can be learned. Accepting and tolerating the emotion without jumping to a quick fix must be practiced to be mastered. But it is very possible. Sometimes when we experience difficult emotion, we think that we will never feel joy again. Writing positive affirmations down on paper when things are going well can be helpful; it reminds us that we have survived discomfort in the past.
When experiencing difficult feelings, talk to yourself in accepting and nonjudgmental ways. Positive self-talk may go something like this. Okay, I am feeling______. And that is okay. I am going to accept that this is a bad day, and know that tomorrow, I may not feel this way. I may not even feel this way in a few hours. If I can hold on and endure these feelings without doing______ (self-destructive behavior), I know that I will make it through and eventually feel better.
Your moment to moment, day by day emotions are temporary. Sometimes you just need to ride the wave. It will pass.
*If you have been experiencing feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness for several days, having suicidal thoughts, or are unable to stop a self-destructive behavior, please see your physician or mental health professional immediately. In many cases, it is not in your best interest to ride the emotional wave alone.
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Never Give Up!
May 7, 2012 By 20 Comments
Let Life in Practices Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Arthur Boorman was a disabled veteran from the Gulf War who was told that he would never again walk without assistance. This is worth watching. Happy Monday. Be inspired! [Read more...]
Don’t Sit on the Sidelines and Let Life Happen to You
May 5, 2012 By 30 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
There is a certain amount of power and control that comes with the acceptance of personal responsibility. No longer does life just happen to you. You become part of life, and with that, you become part of solutions. In a sense, you are cutting the puppet strings and making things happen. You lay to rest, all traces of a victim mentality; the mentality that did nothing, but keep you stuck and hold you down. Waiting for others to make life better for you, is really not living at all. You are strong and have more personal power than you will probably ever know.
If you have gotten into a pattern of thinking that you are stuck and that everything is beyond your control, it is now time to challenge those beliefs and begin to replace them with a new way of thinking. It is time to become solution focused. It is time to let life in.
Below is an except from M. Scott Peck‘s classic book, The Road Less Traveled, regarding personal responsibility.
“We cannot solve life’s problems except by solving them. This statement may seem idiotically tautological or self-evident, yet it is seemingly beyond the comprehension of much of the human race. This is because we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it. We cannot solve a problem by saying “It’s not my problem.” We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us. I can solve a problem only when I say “This is my problem and it’s up to me to solve.”
Peck goes on to say…
”But many, so many, seek to avoid the pain of their problems by saying to themselves: This problem was caused me by other people, or by social circumstances beyond my control, and therefore it is up to other people or society to solve this problem for me. It is not really my personal problem.”
Are you able to distinguish between what you have control to change and what is beyond your control? What are your thoughts?
Scott, Peck, M.D., Simon and Schuster, New York: 1978
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Teaching Children to be Grateful
May 3, 2012 By 32 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
-John F. Kennedy
My children were taught at a very young age to say thank you and no thank you. When my daughter was three, I would pick her up from preschool and her teacher would often tell me how polite she was to everybody. Matter of fact, she was so polite that she responded “no thank you” when her teacher asked her if she was ready to go to the computer lab, and when her dentist asked if she was ready to get her teeth cleaned. (By the way, these really weren’t choices.)
Although she was taught to say the right words, did she really feel gratitude? I hope so. We can easily throw words around, but do we feel them? Do our children? Today so many kids have so much; are they truly grateful? [Read more...]
