Removing the Shame Associated With Childhood Abuse: Julia walked into my office and sat down on the couch without saying a word. She did not need to say anything for me to know that she was in pain. Her eyes radiated pain. [Read more...]
Removing the Shame Associated With Abuse
April 29, 2013 By 17 Comments
Radical Acceptance
February 12, 2013 By 45 Comments
Freedom (Photo credit: Josef Grunig)
Many of us spend our lives wishing for something that just isn’t. We want to change the past. We want to change another person. We get so caught up in wishing things were different, that we have no energy left to change the things that we can. When our thoughts are consumed with “why me” or “life is so unfair” we stay stuck and miss out on “what is” and “what can be.”
Marsha Linehan, founder of dialectical behavior therapy, uses radical acceptance to help herself and her clients. Radical acceptance is an acceptance that comes from deep within and is free of judgement. It is not saying that something is good or bad, it is saying it just is. When you radically accept something, you stop complaining about it and start doing something to improve your life. Linehan uses the purple room as an example. [Read more...]
Don’t Trust Depression
January 31, 2013 By 20 Comments
Doing what depression makes you feel like doing can have you quickly spiraling down hill in a direction that you never intended to go.
Girl Looking Out the Window (Photo credit: madlyinlovewithlife)
You are not depression and depression is not you. But depression can attack you. Depression is a sneaky little character that will change the way you think, feel, and behave. Depression is a parasite that attaches itself to you and attempts to suck the life out of you. [Read more...]
Comeback Power
January 27, 2013 By 16 Comments
It was Cheryl’s thirty-ninth birthday, and Steven was working late again. She had accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly of being married to an emergency room physician a long time ago. Tonight she had fixed a nice dinner for herself and her five-year old twin boys and had especially enjoyed looking at the birthday pictures the kids had colored for her earlier that morning. Shortly after getting the kids into bed, there was a knock at the door. Little did Cheryl know that her entire life was about to change.
Cheryl answered the door, and there stood a man about her age with an angry scowl on his face. The man was very direct and got straight to the point, “Tell your husband to stay away from my wife!” It was then that Cheryl learned about the affair. [Read more...]
It is only a pathway
November 27, 2012 By 14 Comments
Life…oh how it ebbs and flows. We want to live on the mountain. On the mountain, we are inspired and we feel our best. But it is in the valley where we grow. For it is in the valley where we learn to appreciate our time on the mountain. Don’t give up when you are in the valley. The valley is not the stopping point. It is not a destination. Know that being in the valley means that it is time to climb!
Reflection: Do you remember a time when you were in the valley? What did you learn? How did you grow? Maybe you are in the valley right now. Get ready to climb!
Creative image source http://www.notsalmon.com
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How to Become a Happier Person
November 12, 2012 By 44 Comments
Where are you looking for happiness?
Studies show that our personal happiness is …
50% Predisposition/The way we were born.
10% Circumstances: You got it. Only around 10% of our happiness has to do with our situation and circumstances.
40% Our intentional activities. This is what we can change.
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008) The How of Happiness. New York: Penguin.
Several weeks ago, I attended an all day workshop called Happiness: How Positive Psychology Changes Our Lives. The workshop was taught by Lynn D. Johnson, Ph.D. who has spent the last twenty years researching happiness. Dr. Johnson shared his research on the benefits to being a happier person along with proven interventions that increase general happiness. [Read more...]
Let Your Character Shine Through
October 15, 2012 By 11 Comments
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” -Helen Keller
It is our challenges and our hardships that put us to the test. It is these challenges that test our true character. It is these challenges that test our endurance. The test will come.
We may say to ourselves, Okay- Here it is. I am being tested. We may ask ourselves, How do I want to respond? How can I come out of this with my self-respect intact? How can I use this to become a stronger person? How can I grow from this experience?
We must have faith that there is a greater purpose. One that remains to be seen. We must plan our actions carefully so that our true character emerges. This involves being the best person that we can be, regardless of the actions of others. This means doing what we believe is right, no matter how difficult.
What have you learned through the challenges in your life? How have you grown? What doors have opened when others have closed?
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – John Wooden
Forgiveness and Letting Go
September 24, 2012 By 16 Comments
The only thing worse than someone hurting you in the past is YOU continuing to hurt you in the present and in the future. Let go of old injuries so that you can move forward and be the person that you were created to be.
One Man’s Life Changing Moment
August 21, 2012 By 15 Comments
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
Life had gotten out of control.
What started as a weekend binge had turned into a daily drunken stupor. When did it start? Was it in the sixth grade, sneaking alcohol from behind his dad’s bar? In those days it seemed fun- exciting really. What happened? Where did the time go? Where did life go? [Read more...]
Radical Acceptance and Letting Go
August 4, 2012 By 15 Comments
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. –C.S. Lewis
Are you holding on to something that is prohibiting you from moving forward in life? Are you stuck in the past, missing the moment? Are you willing to allow your past to destroy your present and your future?
Following painful experiences, we all need time to grieve. In the beginning, we may deny the experience because the reality is just too difficult to accept. We may become angry and feel depressed. These feelings may be brief or they may last awhile, depending on the severity of the loss or experience. Allow yourself this time and find support so that you do not have to grieve alone. Sharing your pain can actually accelerate the healing process.
If you allow yourself to feel your feelings without judging them as good or bad, you will eventually come to a crossroads- radical acceptance or living in the pain. If you choose the path of acceptance, you acknowledge that life as you knew it has changed. You let go of an old way of life, willing to embrace new experiences that have yet to unfold. This path of radical acceptance will allow you to experience joy again.
The other path is the path that I call living in the pain. This road is the road of rumination. Thoughts about how things use to be consume the mind. The present moment is lost and the mind is shut to future opportunities. This path will prohibit you from experiencing the joy life has to offer.
Radical acceptance is often difficult, but necessary if one is to move forward in life. It is accepting the things that you cannot change no matter how much you want to change them. It is about letting go of what was in order to experience what is and what will be.
