How to Let Go of Resentment
Is resentment holding you back from living a more peaceful, joyful, and confident life? Do you feel like you have been wronged, judged, or mistreated in some way? Do you ruminate about it and play it over and over in your head? Do you feel your anger increasing the more this internal tape is played?
The purpose of this post is to
- Tell you that you are not alone!
- Help you let go of resentment.
First of all, you are not alone! People filled with resentment fill the waiting room of the psychotherapy practice where I work everyday. Millions of others are drowning in resentment and get no help at all. We all feel resentment from time to time. We have all been hurt, judged, and rejected at some point in our lives. Unfortunately, this is part of being human. We are going to experience joy and pain as life ebbs and flows.
You may be thinking, “Yes, we all experience pain, but you have no idea what I have been through!”
You’re right. I don’t. I can’t even imagine! If you told me your situation, I could try to imagine and I could empathize, but I have not experienced the exact same thing as you. Even when two people share a similar experience such as a history of abuse, divorce, infidelity, or the loss of a loved one, their situations differ and they experience the crisis differently.
Although we each experience our pain, anger, and frustration in our own way, and some of us have experienced more trauma and pain than others, we have all been hurt and there are things that we can do to help release the resentment that takes up residence in our hearts and in our minds.
Release the resentment that resides within. The only thing worse than someone else hurting you in the past, is for you to continue to hurt yourself for the rest of your life. Your resentment poisons YOU, not the one who harmed you.
If you are tired of being angry and resentful, here is what you can do.
Be Empowered- Rather than viewing yourself as a victim, view yourself as a courageous champion who refuses to allow the behaviors of another person defeat you. Every time you begin to play that “why me” “It should not have happened” “what did I do to deserve this” “I will get revenge” tape in your head, fight the tape rather than yourself or the person who harmed you. Treating yourself with compassion, giving up thoughts of revenge, and fighting the tape you play over and over again will empower you. The tape is what ultimately defeats you. Be a courageous champion and rise above your self-defeating thoughts that cause you nothing but pain and anger. Continue reading
My client remembers being shamed in the fourth grade. She was standing outside of her school with several friends and their parents after a holiday musical program. She said that her mother looked down on her smiling face and announced in front of the group, “What are we going to do with those teeth? They are such a mess!” My client said that the group they were standing with immediately got quiet and everyone glanced at her mouth. She said that while the other parents were raving about the program, her mother was calling attention to her flaws and imperfections. She remembers wanting to hide. Continue reading
Couples, no matter how diverse, seem to struggle with many of the same problems when it comes to communication. Their communication resembles a dance, around and around they go- nobody wins, nothing is resolved, and nobody feels good. Rather than communicating in an effective way, their communication consists of judging, assuming, attacking, interrupting, invalidating, and neglecting to communicate at all. Below I have listed 8 skills that can improve the communication in almost any relationship. Take a look. Continue reading
Henry Ford said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”
Are you your own best friend? Do you bring out the best in you? Are you trying to reach your full potential or are you settling for a life of mediocrity? Are you ready to grow through life or are you just planning to go through life?
We cannot expect someone else to bring out the best in us, while we continue to sabotage ourselves.
Yes, part of being your own best friend involves picking other friends who lift you up. But that is just part of it. What else can you do to reach your full potential?
Below you will find a list of 20 things you can do to bring out your best. (They are in no particular order.) Continue reading