Practices That Lead to a More Fulfilling Life
Serenity Prayer 2 (Photo credit: Violette79)
What Can You Change?
When my brother was two he learned how to ride a little trike bike. He would zoom all over the house with his eyes focused on the pedals rather than on where he was going. One day he was so focused on making those pedals go around and around that he ran right into a wall. [Read more...]
Do you know the difference between true intimacy and the fantasy bond? Many people confuse the fantasy bond with true intimacy. Although these two styles of relating may appear similar to outsiders looking in, they are indeed very different. [Read more...]
“Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights of others.” -Mayo Clinic Staff
Aggressive people tend to put their needs before the needs of others. Passive people tend to put the needs of others above themselves. Passive-aggressive people tend to [Read more...]
Healthy relationships are like two hula hoops partially overlapping without one totally covering the other. They overlap and share a common area while maintaining their separate identity. Like a venn diagram, the middle is the WE. The WE is strong, but the YOU to the left and the ME to the right still exists.
If our hula hoops don’t intersect at all, there is too much distance. If one hula hoop totally covers the other, individuality disappears, and enmeshment and co-dependency remain.
Inspect your relationship. Does it have balance? Does it have an I, a YOU, and a WE?
Don’t Keep Score!
If you want your partnership to last a lifetime, than you will have to stop keeping score. Ruminating on past problems keeps you stuck. If you continually bring up every injustice in your relationship, you never give your relationship room to grow. If you stay stuck in what is wrong, you will be blind to what is going right.
Do not tolerate abuse, but give your partner grace. Everyone messes up from time to time. Confront the issue, do what you can to find resolution, and then let it go.
Be mindful of the positive. Your partner needs to hear at least five “good” things that he or she is doing, for every “bad.” The positive things that we say to people tend to go in one ear and out the other. The negative things tend to stick like glue.
If you have been trying to get your partner to stop doing something, and he or she does it again, ask yourself, “Has there been any improvement? Has there been any progress? Is it happening less than it use to happen?” Appreciate the progress. (I am talking about relatively small things here. If the repeated offense involves abuse or an affair, please get professional help immediately.)
Partners that have been together forty or fifty years, probably don’t spend a lot of time bringing up forty or fifty years of grievances. Can you imagine? Remember, your partner is human and will let you down from time to time. Don’t allow what is going wrong to overpower what is going right. Look for progress, not perfection. Don’t sweat the little things if you want your relationship to thrive.
“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choice.” -Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
It never feels good to be dumped! Although it may not be anything personal, we still feel the stinging rejection. We miss the things that we considered good in the relationship. We often fear being alone. We don’t like change. But we often miss the bigger picture when we are enveloped in fear, grief or desperate attachment.
Many people come into my office distraught because someone has ended a relationship with them. Many times the relationship was never healthy in the first place. They have a difficult time seeing that this person may have actually done them a favor. [Read more...]
It was Cheryl’s thirty-ninth birthday, and Steven was working late again. She had accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly of being married to an emergency room physician a long time ago. Tonight she had fixed a nice dinner for herself and her five-year old twin boys and had especially enjoyed looking at the birthday pictures the kids had colored for her earlier that morning. Shortly after getting the kids into bed, there was a knock at the door. Little did Cheryl know that her entire life was about to change.
Cheryl answered the door, and there stood a man about her age with an angry scowl on his face. The man was very direct and got straight to the point, “Tell your husband to stay away from my wife!” It was then that Cheryl learned about the affair. [Read more...]
“I can’t believe your father did it again!” “This is just between me and you. Don’t share this with your mother.” “Your mother drives me crazy!”
Most parents complain about their partner to their child once in a while, and it often is not a big deal. However, if the complaining becomes habitual problems arise. [Read more...]
Source: daylol.com via Kristin on Pinterest
Do I have a difficult time not being in a relationship, even if I know that the person that I am with is not good for me?
Do I feel empty inside- especially when I am single?
Do I spend a lot of time trying to “fix” other people?
Am I attracted to very needy people or emotionally distant individuals?
Do I jump from one relationship to another to avoid being alone?
Do I find myself in one-sided relationships- relationships that lack mutual care and compassion?
Do I put a lot more energy into the relationship than my partner?
Do I find myself in abusive relationships?
Do I tend to be the caregiver in my relationships while my needs go unmet? [Read more...]
WELCOME! I am so EXCITED that you are here! My mission is to MOTIVATE and INSPIRE you to look at things from multiple angles- create lots of "WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT," or "I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT TODAY!" moments. These posts are written to be read again and again in order to OBLITERATE negative thinking and MASTER something new. Something new that will improve your life one baby step at a time, one blog post at a time. Please don't sell yourself short. For you are tall, really TALL! Let's get started.
