Today I want to share one of my favorite parables with you. Whether you have seen it before, or it is new to you- enjoy.

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said, “No – it was covered with green buds and full of promise.” The third son disagreed- he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them- he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, the fulfillment of your fall.

Moral: Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy in all the rest. Don’t judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come.

I hope that you have a great day! -Kristin

If you suffer from chronic anger, look within. Letting go of bitterness, resentment, and harsh self-judgments will improve all of your relationships. It may just save your life.

“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce.

If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.” -Zig Ziglar

Don’t Allow Anyone to knock You Down

Don’t Allow Anyone to Knock You Down!

“Somehow we learn who we really are and then live that decision.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Unfortunately, way too many people learned that they were something that they are not- and then they learned to live with that decision. Many intelligent people were told they were stupid, worthy people told they were worthless, attractive people told they were ugly, creative people told  they wouldn’t amount to anything.

Most of the time these assessments had everything to do with the insecurities and emotional wounds of the giver and nothing at all to do with the receiver. But when the receiver heard these messages and believed them to be true, a self-fulfilling prophecy occurred. The person acted in ways that validated the false message.

The person who hears  he is stupid stops trying and as a result- his grades go down, confirming the false belief. The person who is told she is ugly isolates others and hangs her head in shame and as a result- her peers don’t approach her- validating her false belief. The person who hears he will never amount to anything, refuses to take  a risk and opportunities are lost- confirming the false belief.

Don’t allow anyone to knock you down!

When someone puts you down do not accept their assessment as truth. It is only their opinion and usually has everything to do with them and nothing at all to do with you. You do not have to let their emotional junk stick to you. It is their junk- it doesn’t belong to you- unless you accept it!

A self-compassionate loving person doesn’t go around putting others down. Quite the contrary, really. Someone who is full of genuine self-love wants to make the world a better place. Someone with genuine self-love wants to boost others up. Please think about this the next time someone purposely tries to knock you down. This is also a great lesson to teach your children.

Have a great day! -Kristin

Related Post:

Choose to Shine

Paul Mark Sutherland shared this yesterday. Thank you, Paul. If you haven’t already, you may want to check out his inspiring blog, GYA today.

I often tell my clients- You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Just Go For It!

Isn’t this great! 88 years old. The expression on the man’s face says it all.

“I wouldn’t have passed computers if it hadn’t been for the kids’ help,” he said. “Don’t forget, when I was born, our home did not have electricity, no indoor plumbing, I had to go to a one-room school house and that had no indoor plumbing.” -Bob Zonneville, an 88-year-old World War II veteran and Lakeland Community College graduate.

Here is the link to the story.

Photo Credit: Jeff Forman/News-Harold

Source: http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/were-never-too-old-or-young/

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Serenity Prayer 2 (Photo credit: Violette79)

What Can You Change?

When my brother was two he learned how to ride a little trike bike. He would zoom all over the house with his eyes focused on the pedals rather than on where he was going. One day he was so focused on making those pedals go around and around that he ran right into a wall.

When the wall didn’t move he grew angry, backed his bike up, and rammed it into the wall again. His inpatient stubborn two-year-old mind was thinking, “I want to go this way, and this wall just won’t get out of my way!” And the more he thought this, the more frustrated and mad at the wall he became.

He soon realized that the wall was never going to move, and he needed to change direction and find another way to where he was going. Can you relate? You probably don’t expect walls to get out of your way, but have you wasted precious energy and time trying to change something outside of yourself that just didn’t want to change? Have you been running into walls expecting them to move?

We can motivate, educate, and try to convince others to change, but at the end of the day, the change is up to them and them alone. So go ahead and make this world a better place, but focus your energy on the things that you can change rather than using it all up on things that are beyond your control.

Focus on being the best that you can be, regardless of the people around you. Never sacrifice your values because of the actions of others. Stay true to yourself, live with integrity, and you will find peace. Remember that you may never change them, but you can make changes within yourself.

Stop getting frustrated with walls that just aren’t going to move, and go find a new path that leads you to the great opportunities on the other side of that wall.

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Internet Addiction

Are you addicted?

Do you feel absorbed with the internet?

Do you feel unsatisfied unless you increase your time online?

Are you unable to control your internet use?

Do you become anxious and depressed when you reduce the amount of time that you spend online?

Do you stay online longer than you intended?

Has your internet use put your job or your relationships at risk?

Have you lied about how much time you spend online?

Do you use the internet to escape your feelings and to avoid emotional pain?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you may have an internet addiction. Whether you are a native to internet use and have been using it all of your life, or are an internet immigrant like me, we can all agree that  internet use makes so many things in our lives easier.

But as most of you know, it has its drawbacks, too. Studies show that the most successful internet users are able to set limits on their internet use. They live a balanced life.

The internet is indeed an amazing tool. We just need to make sure that other areas in our life do not suffer as a result of being overly connected and therefore disconnected.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe that internet addiction is real? Is it a mental health disorder?

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I used to spend so much time responding and reacting to others, trying to figure out who they wanted me to be. My focus was on how I could be pleasing to them, never stopping to consider whether they were pleasing to me. As long as they liked me, I was okay- or so I thought.

And then I had an “Ah Ha” moment. I realized that if I change myself to please them, I am deceiving both of us. They will be with a person that I am not, and I will be with a person who really wants the made up version of me.

When I figured this out, I began to be much more true to myself and to others. This, I found to be very freeing. It was then that I attracted people who accepted me for who I really am. There was no deception. I also realized that a fear of rejection was at the root of the problem. I then asked myself, “If I am rejected for being me, is that a relationship that I really want to continue to pursue?” 

I decided that the most important thing is for me to be the best version of myself that I can be, and if someone rejects that (and they will- we ALL experience rejection from time to time), that is okay because it just wasn’t meant to be.

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True Intimacy

True intimacy is characterized by feelings of compassion, empathy, and equality. It involves vulnerability. Both partners are able to drop their self-protective defenses and allow themselves to be authentically known. True intimacy involves emotional exposure- exposing the good, the bad, and the ugly. The social masks are taken off and put away. It is the “Here I am! Strengths, Flaws, and All.”

Truly intimate relationships are rooted in genuine caring, concern, and deep emotional closeness. The competitiveness and envy that often exist in the fantasy bond are not present in these authentic connections that are grounded in goodwill, sharing, and loving mutuality.

The Fantasy Bond

The fantasy bond consists of two people who are often self-protective and fear intimacy. Although they fear intimacy, they also fear being alone. These are often the people who jump from one long-term relationship to another without taking time to come up for air. They fear being alone but they also fear being too close.

Their relationship has a dependency quality to it. Rather than being rooted in compassion, empathy, and understanding- it is rooted in insecurity. The fantasy bond is an illusion of connection and is characterized by fear. The fear of exposure, the fear of abandonment, the fear of engulfment, and the fear of rejection.

People engaged in a fantasy bond are in love with the thought of being in love but often build up walls to keep out a genuine authentic connection. Many times the fantasy bond consists of two people who are so afraid of rejection that they do not expose their authentic self to one another. They refuse to let their guard down even with the person that they feel they love. They have learned that closeness is dangerous- a risk that they are unwilling to take.

To learn more check out the following:

http://letlifeinpractices.com/2012/06/16/fear-of-intimacy/

 the-fantasy-bond-substitute

Fear of Intimacy by Robert W. Firestone and Joyce Catlett