Removing the Shame Associated With Childhood Abuse: Julia walked into my office and sat down on the couch without saying a word. She did not need to say anything for me to know that she was in pain. Her eyes radiated pain. [Read more...]
When you face difficult times, break through opportunities will present themselves- if you are willing to see them. If you are willing to embrace the pain, refuse to give up, and continue to move forward- doors will open- doors to amazing possibilities.
When you are facing tremendous adversity and the obstacles seem insurmountable, when you are feeling defeated, hopeless, and just want to give up- it is then that you must remember that your situation and your intense pain are temporary.
After a death, a break up, a financial hardship- after the loss of a job, the loss of a marriage, or the loss of a dream, your life may be forever changed. But new doors will open. And if you are willing to be patient, have faith, keep going, and remain open to possibilities, you WILL find joy again.
Graphic Quote Source: http://toddlohenry.com/2013/04/09/when-you-face-difficult-times/
Rejection means one or any combination of the following things.
- There is a lesson that I can learn.
- It really isn’t the best fit for me.
- It is a blessing in disguise. There is something better for me waiting around the corner.
- The timing isn’t right.
- It wasn’t personal.
Here is what rejection does NOT mean.
- I turn into a resentful bitter shell of who I use to be.
- I sink down into a pit of self-pity.
- I give up.
- I allow others to define my self-worth.
- I am flawed.
If I so much as entertain any of the things that rejection is NOT, I miss out on the lesson to be learned, and I miss out on the opportunities that have yet to present themselves.
Joel Osteen writes,
“Don’t let other people, systems, or circumstances influence your estimation of your value. You may have gone through some traumatic, painful experiences in which somebody mistreated you, used you, or rejected you. Maybe your husband or wife walked out on you and you went through a bitter divorce. Maybe a good friend turned on you for no reason, and you feel alone and worthless. Or, maybe you felt rejected as a child, and you are living with feelings of guilt and shame. Perhaps you’ve even convinced yourself that the negative things that happened in your past are all your fault, that you deserve nothing but heartache, pain, guilt, and condemnation.
Friend, nothing could be farther from the truth.”
Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now (Faith Words: New York, 2004), 68.
Skip Wilkins was a friend of my dads. He made a lasting impression on me, my dad, and many others around the world. His story is one of acceptance and resiliency. It is one of making the most out of life, regardless of your circumstances. It is one of hope. It is one of perseverance and determination. Skip truly was an inspiration.
In high school, Skip was a football player and a track and field star. His senior year, he received over twenty recruitment letters from college football coaches. His future looked bright.
He would not go on to play college ball. Three days after his high school graduation, he injured his spinal cord in a waterskiing accident, leaving him permanently paralyzed from the waist down. He was left with some mobility in his arms and little control over his hands. [Read more...]
Life…oh how it ebbs and flows. We want to live on the mountain. On the mountain, we are inspired and we feel our best. But it is in the valley where we grow. For it is in the valley where we learn to appreciate our time on the mountain. Don’t give up when you are in the valley. The valley is not the stopping point. It is not a destination. Know that being in the valley means that it is time to climb!
Reflection: Do you remember a time when you were in the valley? What did you learn? How did you grow? Maybe you are in the valley right now. Get ready to climb!
Creative image source http://www.notsalmon.com
- We must do that which we think we cannot (jamwithmike.wordpress.com)
- West Inspires Others to Overcome Life’s Challenges (gantdaily.com)
- Partially sighted student overcomes challenges to become a law graduate (mdx.ac.uk)
- You can overcome obstacles…you know… (thewhyaboutthis.com)
- Obstacles, Hurdles, Hold-backs…and How to Overcome Them! (justsomegoodthoughts.wordpress.com)
- Overcoming Obstacles (ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com)
It is our challenges and our hardships that put us to the test. It is these challenges that test our true character. It is these challenges that test our endurance. The test will come.
We may say to ourselves, Okay- Here it is. I am being tested. We may ask ourselves, How do I want to respond? How can I come out of this with my self-respect intact? How can I use this to become a stronger person? How can I grow from this experience?
We must have faith that there is a greater purpose. One that remains to be seen. We must plan our actions carefully so that our true character emerges. This involves being the best person that we can be, regardless of the actions of others. This means doing what we believe is right, no matter how difficult.
What have you learned through the challenges in your life? How have you grown? What doors have opened when others have closed?
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” – John Wooden
Are you holding on to something that is prohibiting you from moving forward in life? Are you stuck in the past, missing the moment? Are you willing to allow your past to destroy your present and your future?
Following painful experiences, we all need time to grieve. In the beginning, we may deny the experience because the reality is just too difficult to accept. We may become angry and feel depressed. These feelings may be brief or they may last awhile, depending on the severity of the loss or experience. Allow yourself this time and find support so that you do not have to grieve alone. Sharing your pain can actually accelerate the healing process.
If you allow yourself to feel your feelings without judging them as good or bad, you will eventually come to a crossroads- radical acceptance or living in the pain. If you choose the path of acceptance, you acknowledge that life as you knew it has changed. You let go of an old way of life, willing to embrace new experiences that have yet to unfold. This path of radical acceptance will allow you to experience joy again.
The other path is the path that I call living in the pain. This road is the road of rumination. Thoughts about how things use to be consume the mind. The present moment is lost and the mind is shut to future opportunities. This path will prohibit you from experiencing the joy life has to offer.
Radical acceptance is often difficult, but necessary if one is to move forward in life. It is accepting the things that you cannot change no matter how much you want to change them. It is about letting go of what was in order to experience what is and what will be.
Any fact facing us, however difficult, even seemingly hopeless, is not so important as our attitude toward that fact. How you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You may permit a fact to overwhelm you mentally before you start to deal with it actually. On the other hand, a confident and optimistic thought pattern can modify or overcome the fact altogether. -Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking
A bitter why me attitude will have you going in the wrong direction. It is much healthier to focus your energy on what you can do.