They are not threatened by their mistakes. Because they do not judge themselves harshly, they are able to admit their mistakes. Because they are able to admit their mistakes, they are able to learn from them and own them. Because they own them they are less likely to blame others for them. They are also less likely to deny or rationalize their unacceptable behaviors. [Read more...]
If you tell your children that they are stupid and worthless, they will believe you. If you tell your children that they are capable of wonderful things, they will believe you, too. What do you want your children to believe?
Children internalize messages that they hear from their parents, regardless of the message’s validity. Young children believe that their parents know best. This means that your young children take whatever you say to heart. If you become frustrated by your child’s mistake and you call him or her stupid, your child will not only believe you, but will continue to call him or herself the same thing.
What you say to a child sticks like glue and the child may continue to say the same thing to themselves for the rest of their lives. I have heard this “voice” referred to as a parental interject. Your voice, what you say to a child, becomes like a tape in that child’s head- playing over and over again.
We need to be cognizant of what we say to our children both verbally and through our body language. A child who believes he is worthy will approach the world in a much different way than a child who believes that he is worthless.
Children who believe that they are capable and worthy will often rise to the occasion and feel good about themselves. Whereas children who believe that they are incapable or unworthy will sell themselves short on just about everything in life.
As parents, we need to really watch what messages we are sending to our children. Yes, children do need discipline, but so do we.
Do you recognize your worth?
Too often we confuse our worth with our position in society. But our worth has nothing to do with our power or lack of power position. We have worth whether we sweep the floors or own the company. It is not our position that defines us. Our value is intrinsic- it is who we are within rather than what we do for a living or how we are viewed by others. [Read more...]
We often consciously or unconsciously sabotage ourselves because we do not think that we deserve to be successful in life. We may have made mistakes in the past that we have been unable or unwilling to forgive.
We may self-sabotage by habitually selling ourselves short, thinking that our goals and dreams are unreachable. We may discount our own internal resources and deny our own personal strengths. We may unconsciously sabotage situations and relationships that are really good for us.
There are many different ways in which we can self-sabotage. [Read more...]
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
Just as the salmon swims upstream, our young girls battle a current. The current of their peers and the current of the media. How can we instill a sense of self-worth in our girls that is more than skin deep; self-worth that is based on true character rather than mere sex appeal? In this day and age, it is more important than ever for our adolescents to know that true beauty comes from within without having to slip on the skin-tight dress that is more appropriate for someone five years their senior. [Read more...]
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed., MSW, LCSW
Will this matter next month?
Will this matter next year?
Is this a life changing event?
I will then calm myself and breathe; knowing that it is only my reaction to the event that is life changing.
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell M.ED, MSW, LCSW
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
You can’t expect others to treat you better than you treat yourself
All of us want to be treated with kindness. The desire to be respected, loved, and cherished is universal. We all want to be treated with compassion and dignity. Most of us would agree that this is important to our well-being. If this is our desire and we want others to treat us well, why then do so many of us treat ourselves so differently?
I am fat. I am ugly. I am such a loser. I am worthless. I will never succeed, so why try. I can’t. I am stupid. I can’t do anything right. No one will want me. I know I will fail. Nothing good ever happens to me. I am good for nothing. I am such an idiot. I am lazy. I am not good enough.
The list could go on and on. These statements are examples of negative self-talk. They are self-destructive critical messages that many people say to themselves. We expect and often demand that others treat us with respect, but fail to respect ourselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never tell a friend or a small child. We call ourselves names and say things to ourselves that we would not tolerate hearing from someone else.
Stop and think about it for a moment. What kind of things do you say to yourself? Are you quick to criticize yourself? Would you be upset if someone else were to say to you the same things that you say to yourself?
- Try this. Get out a picture of you as a child and look at it for several minutes. Does that child deserve to hear whatever it is you tell yourself?
Most negative self-talk originates in childhood. A child internalizes hurtful messages that came from someone else. Most of the time the negative messages are not true to begin with and have a lot more to do with the person delivering them, than they do with the person on the receiving end. However, the child on the receiving end believes them, internalizes them, and grows up delivering the same messages to themselves regardless of their validity.
To stop this, the adult needs to begin to think about their thinking and become more aware of their negative self-talk. To do this the adult can do the following:
- Identify self-defeating thoughts.
- Tell themselves to stop
- Replace negative messages with self-affirming statements
- Do this over and over and over again
Look at the following examples
Change ”I can’t” into ” I can”
Change “ I am stupid” into ”I am smart”
Change “I am fat” into ”I am beautiful”
The more that you begin to tell yourself positive affirming messages, the more you will begin to believe them. And the more you begin to believe them, the more you will begin to act on them. After awhile you will have not only internalized new healthier messages, but you will have created a self-fulfilling prophecy bringing that which you tell yourself into your life.
If you have gotten into a pattern of putting yourself down. Watch what you say to yourself. Try to stop.
You are worth it!