Removing the Shame Associated With Childhood Abuse: Julia walked into my office and sat down on the couch without saying a word. She did not need to say anything for me to know that she was in pain. Her eyes radiated pain. Continue reading
When we judge our feelings as ”bad” or we tell ourselves that we “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, we are essentially telling ourselves that something is wrong with us. This creates shame, and shame is at the root of self-sabotaging behaviors. Our harsh judgment of our emotions snowballs into something much worse. Continue reading
We often consciously or unconsciously sabotage ourselves because we do not think that we deserve to be successful in life. We may have made mistakes in the past that we have been unable or unwilling to forgive.
We may self-sabotage by habitually selling ourselves short, thinking that our goals and dreams are unreachable. We may discount our own internal resources and deny our own personal strengths. We may unconsciously sabotage situations and relationships that are really good for us.
There are many different ways in which we can self-sabotage. Continue reading
Written by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, M.Ed, MSW, LCSW
What’ers begun in anger ends in shame. -Benjamin Franklin
Katie knocks over the lamp and her mother responds, “How can you be so stupid!” Tony forgets to bring his basketball to practice again. His father yells in front of the team, “What is wrong with you?” Jimmy pushes his brother and his mother remarks, “You are a bad boy!”
What is so damaging about the installation of shame? Shame is more than feeling bad about a behavior; it is feeling bad about who you are as person.
As parents, we need to remember that the goal of discipline is to address our children’s unacceptable behavior and assist them in correcting it. No matter how angry, frustrated, or tired we may be, our children need to know that they are acceptable, even if their behavior is not. Sometimes our child’s behavior embarrasses us and we may overreact, but we do not want to send a message that they, as a person, are an embarrassment.
When children are shamed by caregivers, their emotional health will suffer. Continue reading